Dear Bay Area,

Hang in there. Relationships suck. They do. Don’t argue with me, I don’t want to hear it. Even if you’re in one and you love it, eventually they suck; it’s a fact of life. They make you sick to your stomach, they give you migraines and they age you to the point that you start looking like Steven Adler on Celebrity Rehab. So why, why, WHY do we all love them? Why do we put ourselves on this roller coaster of emotions knowing that every single relationship fails and never fails to inflict excruciating pain upon us like the crazy guy from the Saw movies?

But knowing that relationships suck and admitting that we are doomed to be a part of them doesn’t seem to make it any easier when we’re going through the rough times. And, Bay Area, we are going through some tough times. I know we don’t always get along, but maybe it’s not our fault. Society has forced us to pick between the Giants and A’s, the 49ers and the Raiders, between Cal and Stanford, and between the Warriors and your favorite U-14 AAU team, a team about which you’re pretty sure understands the fundamentals of defense better than the entire Golden State franchise.  But even though we are engineered to hate each other, there is one thing we can all agree on. We’re terrible. Without exception, right now the entire Bay Area is, as Bill Walton would say, awwwfull. Just hang in there and try to see the silver lining. San Francisco

Continue reading "Open letter to the Bay Area about our teams. I feel your pain"

I was sinking into the old, tattered, second-hand couch at my girlfriend’s place the other night, demanding… pleading… begging her and her roommates to “allow” us to watch something other than the titillating search for Paris Hilton’s new BFF. After some expert debating, (big shout out to 10th grade debate teacher Mrs. Posner) I was able to enforce my will to, not only change the channel, but change it to sports (translation: the six girls allowed the change based almost purely on the fact that their favorite gay guy/girl, Onch, had already been kicked off. TTYN.) One of the girls is from Los Angels and loves her Lakers, so if the channel was changing, due to the decibel of her voice, there was only one option. You should be proud and I should be happy, right? I was just able to complete the near impossible: getting six girls in their early 20s to change the TV from a show of girls and gay guys gossiping, yelling, drinking and being “fabulous,” to sports. A point for the guys, right?

Continue reading "Why I hate the Los Angeles Lakers"